What is Coping, Really?
We often talk about "coping" as if it’s just a list of things we do when we’re stressed, like going for a run or talking to a friend. But in reality, coping is your brain’s internal way to survive.
At its simplest, coping is the way your mind and body attempt to manage the gap between the challenges you face and the resources you have, and “resources” are the key.
We can only do what we know how to do.
With this in mind, if we don’t have the tools to mend a fence for example, the fence remains falling down. If we can’t get through the day due to the weight or burden of something, then our brains will tell us to use what has been done before to “lift” you, to get you through the day. There is no healthy thought or options, it simply takes something it recalls as a “lift” and says “do that” even if its not the best thing for you overall.
The most important thing to understand about coping is that every habit we have was created for a reason. When we go through difficult times—especially trauma—our brain picks up tools that work in the short term. For example, staying incredibly busy might help you avoid painful memories. This is a "brilliant" strategy for survival in the moment.
However, as life moves on, these tools can become heavy.
What once helped you survive can eventually start to keep you stuck. Coping challenges happen when your old toolkit no longer fits your current life.
Understanding the "Window of Tolerance":
A key part of healthy coping is staying within your Window of Tolerance.
-
Above the Window: You feel "wired," anxious, or angry (Hyper-arousal).
-
Below the Window: You feel numb, exhausted, or "shut down" (Hypo-arousal).
-
Inside the Window: You can feel your emotions, but they don't overwhelm you. You can think clearly and respond rather than react.
Therapy is about widening that window.
It’s about giving you more room to breathe so that life’s stressors don't knock you out of your "optimal zone."
When life’s stressors become “too much” or “too many”, our Window of Tolerance” narrows, causing the body and mind to cope as best it can.
You might have been told to "just take a bath" or "try yoga."
While these are great, they are often just temporary fixes. At Harmony and Health, we don’t just give you a new list of chores.
We help you:
-
Audit your current toolkit: What’s working? What’s just making you tired?
-
Learn the language of your body: Understanding the signals your nervous system is sending, and what your mind is suggesting, and why.
-
Build sustainable habits: Create a way of living that feels like harmony, not just hanging on, and give you tools to re-adjust and understand your maladaptive coping styles.